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5 things I hate about the hairdressers.


When I was younger I was no stranger to taking the scissors to my own hair like many small children do and at one point I think I even persuaded my best friend to let me give her a not so great hair cut which turned out to be a bowl cut, she rocked the mushroom style for nearly two years. I even for many years let my friends cut my hair without even thinking but then I got older and for some reason developed a fear of hair dressers much like someone is terrified of the dentist, so this weeks post 5 things I hate about the hairdressers is brought to you by ‘Things I like to complain about’ sponsored by ‘my fear of change’.


Number 1 – The pre-haircut day hair.

Image result for leslie knope my hair looks amazing gif

It’s almost like each hair strand knows when the big day is, picture this, it’s the night before you’re appointment. You’ve spent days mentally preparing yourself and you’re finally psyched up but you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and somethings different. You’re hair actually looks good, the way it’s sitting is perfect, the colour is extremely nice in the lighting and then the internal debate begins. “Should I cancel my appointment?” “My hair doesn’t look that bad.” “Maybe I’ll just get a trim instead of a cut.”. This happens to me like clockwork, this weird kind of self sabotage kicks in until you get to the hair dressers and you finally sit down in that black chair and they bring out those black cloaks which leads me to my next ‘5 Things I hate about the hairdressers.’


Number 2 – The moment you see yourself in the chair with your smock on and your hair wet. 

Those mirrors are the devils playground. It’s like every single flaw and insecurity is embedded in that mirror, from the moment you sit down you spiral downward towards the black abyss of self hatred. Suddenly you regret your makeup choices, You notice that your lips look extra chapped today and you find yourself doing everything to avoid eye contact with yourself. Then the hairdresser walks over,  starts pulling those two strands of hair in front of your face asking you about the style you’d like and the length but you cant focus on anything else besides the fact that you look like some kind of wet reptile

 

Number 3 – The first snip of the scissors. 

Hearing the first cut has become negative ASMR for me, I physically cringe at the sound, almost like I can focus on each individual strand being separated from itself. I remember back in 2012 I had hair down to my lower back and I’d decided to finally bite the bullet and get a short style for once, I’d just sat in the chair, the hairdresser was combing my hair flat on my back so we could decide how short I was going to go. We’d decided I’d stick with around boob length and not a minute later I heard that awful sound of wet hair being snipped and the following sound was a short gasp followed by the hairdresser saying “How do you feel about it touching your collarbones?” Which is the perfect introduction for my next ‘5 things I hate about the hairdressers.’

 

Number 4 – The inability to say how you really feel about the cut. 

I have a feeling it has to do with the lighting the fact that your hands and arms are contained under those black cloaks of witchcraft but aside from occasionally murmuring a few “Could you maybe take this up a bit more?” Or Maybe just a couple of layers at the front” I personally can never show any kind of emotion other then grateful after a haircut even if it’s awful. You know that concave that I mentioned just before, well, the reason I had to get a concave is because a week prior to that anxiety fuelled appointment I had gone to a hairdressers for the ever so popular balayage, Now I had previously dip dyed my own hair so I knew that it was a pretty lengthy process and that you are supposed to blend the foils upwards towards the roots and leave the bleach on the ends on the hair longer to have that gradient effect… Well this particular hairdresser decided to out straight up streaks in my hair starting from my roots, two hours later, I walked out of there $175 dollars less and a head full of bumble bee stripes. Did I say anything.. Nope but I did harbour a fear of bleach.

 

Number 5 – The cycle repeating itself all over again. 

After the emotional trauma I put myself through, psyching myself up, sitting in those dam devil chairs and having and existential crisis in the mirror, too not being able to voice my opinions. I’ll wait a few months until my hair grows back out to a length that I’m comfortable with maybe even once or twice trimming my own split ends, I’ll walk past a mirror somewhere or even go to style my hair and think to myself “My hair is overdue for a cut” and the whole cycle repeats itself.


So there you have it, my ‘5 things I hate about the hairdressers’ – What did you think of this weeks post? Have you ever had and existential crisis sitting in the hairdressers chair? or do you have some of your horror stories that have left you scarred. Let us know by leaving a comment and don’t forget to subscribe to our mailing list to stay updated when new blog posts come out.

Amber
Amber
I write reviews and unwanted opinions but most importantly novels.

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